I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So many bounce houses so little time
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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