i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
