I need help removing her.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
