Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
