I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
be right there i have to get my cape
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
