i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
