I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
