My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They took my balls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
