I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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