is your mom at the bar?
we have pet lesbian snakes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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