So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
