i already hear my dad disowning me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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