you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
