I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
