haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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