This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
