My liver just broke up with me...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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