I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
