I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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