the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
