Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
