vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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