NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
