As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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