Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
