C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
