Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
