Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
