Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We had to coat check the pizza.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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