I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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