I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
