look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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