So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
