My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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