i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
