She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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