can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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