I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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