He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a search helicopter?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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