I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
