I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
