so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
