Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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