she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
