something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
