You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
