so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
