So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
