i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
