Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
