Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
