If that was your dad, he is hot
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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