I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
